Thursday, July 9, 2009


"Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin

Friday, June 12, 2009

The AA Meeting

Last night, a couple of friends and I had the privilege of attending an open AA meeting in support one of my very dear friends who was receiving a token in celebration of his sobriety.

The meeting was truly an extraordinary experience. Throughout many heartfelt stories and confessions, the honesty, dauntlessness, and humility that I witnessed in some of the attendants was more than impressive. How do they do it? I ponder myself, a girl constantly battling pride and often struggling to admit struggles and shortcomings of my own. And here these people are, vulnerable, yet, courageously authentic, confessing their deepest, darkest, moments and secrets in front of complete strangers. No one was there to judge, no one gave glares or felt higher than anyone else.

In moments such as these, I believe there is true healing and Love can come in to work things out.

A sweet elderly man sat to the left of me. His words of both victory and defeat were touching, and nevertheless encouraging to anyone that would listen. At the end of the meeting, he turned toward my friends and I, and kindly whispered my way, "Hello. So, you ladies must be nurses here?"

what!? no, no, NO!

The last thing I wanted last night was to appear on the "outside." Although I explained to him that we were not nurses observing the group, but were just there supporting a friend, I wanted to explain something else. I may be human just like you, but I am much more of a coward than you. I know that I can learn a lot from you. You are so brave, how do you do it? 

He was a wonderful man, and they were all wonderful people, fully and deeply loved by God. Last night was proof that faith during the hardest of times and the most difficult of trials, does indeed develop perseverance, strength, and other such characteristics in a person's soul (James 1:2-4). With a heart of contrition, I deeply desire faith, genuineness, and perseverance such as many of theirs.

Friday, June 5, 2009

The Little Builder

Something just happened tonight that has made me so sad I could cry.

First, I will start with the little builder who has recently brought a smile to my family's faces.

A few months ago, we added a new outdoor Spring wreath to our front door. Made of dry twigs and adorned with silk flowers (looking somewhat like cherry blossoms), this wreath oddly enough became the new home for a sweet little bird who decided to build a nest right on top of it. It was quite silly really, and something we chuckled about considering the bird chose our artificial wreath over trees surrounding the area. As we daily came in and out of our home, opening and slamming the door, we would inevitably scare the poor bird away to hiding. When the coast was clear, he would regain confidence and continue on with his construction, carefully collecting materials for what would soon be the home of new little builders.
Then came the horror. Tonight, as I was walking toward my front door, I noticed something on my front porch. The wreath had fallen! Frantic, I looked around, and there it beautiful egg right on our porch. I ran inside the house and grabbed a spoon to see if I could save the egg (what else in the world would I use?), and called my Step-Dad Michael over to see if we could at muster up a better, more reliable way to hang the wreath back up and save the egg. Bending down to take a closer look, spoon in hand, I suddenly noticed a crack in the eggshell. Sadness shot through my soul for the little determined builder who had spent so much time constructing this home, regardless of any fears he had every second that we opened and closed our door, for a baby that would not come to be.
Suddenly, it dawned on me that this was probably not the only egg. Grabbing a flashlight, Michael and I intently searched the wreath to see if any other eggs had fallen out of their nest and into the wreath twigs.
And there they were, broken shells, and next to that, a fetus.

stupid wreath....

What happened God? Why did our little builder have to lose his little ones so prematurely? Where did he flee to when he realized what had happened?
I am then reminded that this world, like the stupid wreath, has fallen, yet, despite being originally intended to stay up strong. I am reminded of the mothers and fathers who have lost their own little ones, and I want to weep. I am also reminded of some words from Luke.
"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." I am blown away. Lord, you haven't even forgotten those precious little builders? And we humans, as messed up as we are, are worth more than many of them?
I end this blog in thanks to the Master Builder who knows the number of hairs on our heads, and has not forgotten about even one little builder.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Day One

So here I am, day one of my first blog entry. I say "day" one, despite the fact that it's pitch black outside and I am snuggled up in my cozy white blanket from Home Goods - a wonderful twenty dollar investment I must add - and preparing for bed. After months and months of contemplating the commencement of this new addition to my plethora of obsessions, I have finally caved in, all thanks to my dear friend, Brianna, who had sweetly encouraged me. As silly as it may sound, it's a scary thing for a young woman like me to start a blog. Sharing faults and struggles, fearing literary inadequacy, and opening up to others who inevitably share many different beliefs and ideas, were all reasons sufficient enough to make me sprint the other way and throw away the key to the lock I have around the things I, in reality, am truly and genuinely eager to share.

...but here I go, day one. don't judge too harshly! Maybe you and I can learn a thing or two from each other the days to come.